Title: Rebellious Desire (4/?)
Author: jasonsnene
Pairing: Angel/Xander
Rating: NC17
Warnings: AU, M/M, some violence , uh...maybe a bit of angst. Just a smidge really...kinda.
Summary: Modern, slashy version of a historical romance novel I read recently. Just, you know, cause I wanted to.
Summary: Modern, slashy version of a historical romance novel I read recently. Just, you know, cause I wanted to.
Beta: ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
carinas_carinae and aayesha_r
Previous Parts
A/N: So, when I started writing this, I thought it would be about 10 parts long. I started part 9 last night...it'll be more than 10. Don't know how many more, but more. Thanks for all the awesome comments on this story. I really appreciate all of your support!!
carinas_carinae and aayesha_rPrevious Parts
A/N: So, when I started writing this, I thought it would be about 10 parts long. I started part 9 last night...it'll be more than 10. Don't know how many more, but more. Thanks for all the awesome comments on this story. I really appreciate all of your support!!
Part 4:
Spike and Riley sat in Angel’s study, watching their friend brood. They’d been waiting for nearly 15 minutes for him to decide to tell them what was wrong. So far, he wasn’t talking, but he did occasionally mutter under his breath things like “stupid” and “asshole” and “it would serve you right”.
Spike assumed things had gone poorly with Xander the night before. He’d seen them slip outside and after a short while, they’d both come back in, going their separate ways, each looking very pissed.
Knowing Angel, his mouth had gotten away with him. Spike shook his head at the idiocy that was Angel’s mouth when things weren’t going his way. He just wished Angel would get on with it already. He hadn’t been home yet, and he was beyond tired. Angel had called and asked him to come straight over just as Spike’s driver was pulling into his driveway.
Stifling yet another yawn, Spike decided that he’d waited long enough and spoke up. “Listen, luv. I appreciate that you need to sit here and stare at the walls but you’re cutting into my beauty sleep, so could you just spit it out already?”
Angel was jerked out of his thoughts by the sound of Spike’s voice. “I screwed up.”
Riley nodded. “Yeah, I think we’ve both figured that out by now. What happened?”
“You don’t get it. I really screwed up. I thought that I just needed to get him out of my head.” Angel stood up and began pacing. “If I could do that, I could get back to work and forget about him. So I took him outside, and kissed him.”
“Don’t see the problem so far, luv.”
Angel sighed. “Well, things got heated, and I realized that one kiss would never be enough. I wanted more. Needed more. So I started doing more than just kissing him. Then he asked me to stop, and I got mad.”
“Oh shit.” Riley knew as well as Spike that meant that Angel had said something stupid.
“Yeah, ‘oh shit’ is right. I told him he was a tease when he made me stop.” Spike and Riley stared at him in stunned silence before Spike erupted.
“Angel, you bloody arse! Wot were you thinkin’? That’s pretty bad, even for you!”
“I know! I don’t know! I just wanted him so badly, and the more I kissed him the more I wanted him, and now I’ve totally fucked it up.”
Riley and Spike shared a look. “Angel, he’s not one of your rent boys that you can just fuck in an alley and leave. If that’s the way you treated him, then I don’t blame him for being pissed.”
Spike was still stunned that Angel had acted like such an ass to the man who’d saved him. “You’re an arse. A big fat arse with shit for brains.”
“I know that, Spike! What should I do?”
“Wot the hell do you think? You find him and apologize and grovel if you have to. You were in the wrong here, not him. And then you pray that he’s a bigger man than me, ’cause I’d just throw you out on your arse and say good riddance.”
Angel’s mouth fell open in shock, but he shut it quickly. He knew Spike was right. Angel stood and grabbed his keys. “Thanks, guys. I’ll catch up with you later.”
Spike and Riley just shook their heads and followed Angel out the door. Spike grumbled the whole way about interrupted beauty sleep, while Riley just eyed his friend speculatively.
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Xander was lying by the pool enjoying the mid-morning sun and trying not to replay the events with Angel of the previous evening. Unfortunately, the coldness in Angel’s voice when he’d called Xander a tease wasn’t something Xander was able to get out of his mind. It was as if Angel had become possessed by a different person, someone cruel and cold and out for blood.
In a way, Xander was relieved that he’d learned so early what Angel’s true character was like. He knew it would save him a lot of grief later on. It wasn’t doing much for the grief he was feeling now, though. Xander felt like a fool. He’d been drawn to Angel from the first moment he’d seen him. Along with all the other changes in his life, his error in judgment where Angel was concerned was making him doubt himself like never before.
Confidence hadn’t been an issue for Xander in several years. He’d been shy and timid as a small child, terrified of loud noises and guns in particular. His Uncle had helped him through his fear and taught him how to be respectful of weapons. By the time he’d reached high school, Xander’s fear of guns was long past.
Then came his problems with his identity. Xander had known he was different, that he wasn’t attracted to girls like the other boys, and he was often bullied because of it. Andrew’s older brothers had made sure that he and Andrew both knew how to defend themselves after one or the other had come home with a black eye or bloodied nose. Needless to say, after several well placed punches, Andrew and Xander were left alone.
The older he got, the more confident Xander became. He hadn’t had a lot of experience in relationships and always seemed drawn to men who weren’t as confident as he was. His aunt and uncle had never really approved of any of his previous boyfriends. They told him later it was because Xander’s boyfriends let him call all the shots. His aunt was convinced Xander needed someone who could give as good as he got.
Angel was the first person Xander had been attracted to who fit that qualification. Xander knew he wouldn’t be able to walk all over Angel. It had seemed like a challenge at the time. Xander had even thought for a moment that Angel might be that elusive ‘the one’. Not anymore.
Xander let out a sigh but was prevented from any other thoughts by the sound of running footsteps. Xander turned to greet his cousin, knowing that Andrew was the only person who could run that quickly while at the same time stumbling over his own feet.
“Andrew, how was brunch?” Andrew skidded to a stop beside him and took in several gasps of air.
“Oh, it was amazing. I can’t believe they invited me to come. L.A. is so amazing! But enough about me, you aren’t going to believe what happened!”
“What?”
Andrew flipped out the society page of the day’s newspaper from behind his back, and flipped it onto the table beside Xander’s lounge chair. There, on the front cover, was a picture of Xander with Spike from the night before. The caption read “Spike’s Mystery Man” and listed the page to go to for more details.
Xander wasn’t sure whether to pick up the magazine or throw it into the pool. He decided on neither and just stared at it like it was about to bite him.
“Xander! Look at it!!”
He picked up the magazine and held it gingerly between two fingers. It was actually a nice picture. He and Spike were both smiling, and Xander realized that it was from when they were having their “Mr. Smith” discussion. Xander smiled again, remembering.
Andrew jerked the magazine from his hands. “Oh my god, Xander. Don’t you even care what it says! Listen: ‘Just who is the mystery man who so charmed our favorite superstar? Could he be the latest in a long line of lovers to grace Spike’s side? Or could the man with the million dollar smile actually capture the heart of L.A.’s resident heartbreaker?’”
Xander snorted and shook his head. “That’s ridiculous, Andrew. You and I both know that there is nothing between Spike and me.”
Andrew smiled. “I know that, and you know that, but everyone else…they don’t know that. This is so great! We’re going to get invited to so many parties now. And look, I’m in the picture too!”
Sure enough, there was a bit of blond hair visible over Xander’s shoulder that didn’t belong to Spike.
“Andrew, I don’t want to use my connection with Spike to get into places. That’s not right. We’ll meet people in time and do this the right way, okay?”
Andrew sighed and sank onto the chair next to Xander’s. “I knew you would say that. But, Xander, if we do it this way, just think how much faster I’ll be able to find Graham.”
“Andrew, Graham left and didn’t leave a way for you to find him. I don’t want you to get your hopes up. Let’s take this slowly, okay?”
“Xander, I can’t think of anything but him. He told me he loved me. I know that it was real. I love him, Xan. I really, really love him and I just know that something must have happened. If I could just find him, I know he’ll take me back.”
Not knowing what to say, Xander just reached over and took Andrew’s hand in his own. They would find Graham all right. And when they did, he’d better have a damn good reason for breaking Andrew’s heart, or Xander would do some breaking of his own.
The door to the patio opened and Xander turned towards it, expecting to see Gunn back from his errands. He was stunned to see Angel standing there instead. Angel stopped when he realized that Xander saw him and waited for his reaction. Xander just stared for a moment, wondering if he was imagining things.
When Xander didn’t yell at him to leave, Angel moved towards him again, stopping several feet away from his chair. “Xander, could I speak to you for a moment?”
Andrew glared at Angel before looking back at Xander who gave him a quick nod. “I’ll just be right inside if you need me, Xander. I think I’m going to practice loading my gun like you showed me. I think it’s time I learned how to defend the people I care about.”
With that parting shot, Angel and Xander were left alone on the patio. They stared at each other for a moment before Angel spoke. “Xander, I am so sorry about last night. There was absolutely no excuse for my behavior, and I just wanted to let you know how much I regret what I said and the way I acted.”
Xander stood to face him, not wanting to be seated and have Angel towering over him. “I appreciate your apology, Angel. It means a lot that you came by in person. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”
“Xander, please. Please give me another chance. I’m such an ass sometimes, and I can’t promise that I’ll never do anything stupid again, but I’d do anything to get another chance. Just one date. That’s all I’m asking for. Just give me one date to prove to you that I’m not a stupid fat arse with shit for brains.”
Xander tried not to smile, but a small one snuck out. “Spike got ahold of you, I take it?”
“He did, but he didn’t have to. I already knew. Look, Xander, please. Last night, that wasn’t the real me. I just haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time, and I didn’t handle it well. Hell, I didn’t handle it at all. But I know there’s something between us, and I know you feel it, too. Well, you did feel it, if I didn’t ruin it.”
Xander started to flat out refuse, realizing that the chance for pain and heartbreak was off the charts, but movement from the house caught his eye and he watched Andrew peeking through the blinds. He turned back to Angel and studied his face. “I should just send you packing, but I’ll agree to one date if you’ll do one thing for me.”
Angel agreed quickly. “Anything.”
“You run an investigative agency, right? There’s someone I need you to find.” Xander looked back over his shoulder at Andrew and smiled reassuringly.
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Two someone's, actually. Because I see Xander getting caveman on Graham's ass if he doesn't have a good excuse.
Have I told you how much I'm loving Andrew in this fic?
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I'm so glad you're enjoying Andrew!!
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Xangel is a great ship, IMHO. Thin line between love and hate and all that. :D
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Ha And Angel... What a surprise *eyroll* :)))!
One more part. Then I have to wait like all the others *siiigh* *ggg*!
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