jasonsnene: (Spangel yellow font)
([personal profile] jasonsnene May. 28th, 2008 05:55 am)
Title:  Viper
Author:  jasonsnene
Pairing:  Spike/Angel
Rating:  NC17
Warnings:  M/M, crack!flc
Beta:  [profile] carinas_carinae

Special Thanks to my Ash shaped friend for helping me find my funny.  *hugs*

Written for the Angel's Bunnies Challenge at [profile] strip_off_angelfor [profile] ginnyrules2.  Her request:

I just want some funny interaction between them, maybe Spike having a go at Angel, although I do want nice fluffy ending.

 

 

Viper:

As brilliant plans went, this one was not turning out to be one of Angel’s greatest.  Normally, he was a stay and slay kind of Champion.  He’d faced vampires and demons, slimy and flamy.  But never in all his years of being a vampire had he ever seen anything more horrifying than the demons looking for him in the lobby of Wolfram and Hart.

 

It wasn’t that they were big.  No, he’d faced bigger.  And they weren’t shooting flames and they didn’t have wooden weapons.  No, what they had was much, much worse.  It was truly his worst nightmare.

 

They had bleach venom.  And they had threatened his hair.  Angel could only imagine how horrible he would look with Spike’s hair.  Granted, it worked for Spike.  But on him?  No way.  Never in a million years. 

 

So Angel did what any hair respecting vampire would do.  He ran.  His first plan was to get into his Viper and test that zero to 60 in 5 seconds thing they advertised.  Which would have worked out great if Spike wasn’t currently standing at the trunk, unloading a supply of…on second though, he really didn’t want to know what it was a supply of.

 

Before he could bemoan his fate, Angel yelled at Spike to get in the car.  And Spike just stood there.  Well, he stood there and raised a brow.  Damn it.  Didn’t anyone have a sense of hair urgency?  Obviously it was too much to hope for.  It must be part of the curse.  Those damn gypsies.

 

The elevator dinged behind him and Angel did the first thing that popped into his mind.  He jumped in the open trunk and pulled Spike in right along side him.  Then he slammed the trunk closed and let out a sigh of relief that quickly became a bigger whoosh of air when Spike elbowed him in the stomach.

 

“Wot the fuck?”

 

Angel was still trying to recover from the pain in his stomach and took too long to answer.   Spike wiggled around in the cramped trunk until they were facing each other. 

 

“You ponce!  You locked us in the bloody trunk!”

 

“It’s okay.  You’ve got the keys.  We can get out.”

 

“You tit!  The keys are in the lock.  On the OUTSIDE of the car.”

 

Angel wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that.  So he kept quiet.  This wasn’t good. 

 

“Speak, you poof!  Why the bloody hell are we locked in the soddin’ trunk?”

 

Angel bit his lip.  How exactly could he explain this so that he didn’t sound like a, well, a poof?  “Demons.  Big ones.  Flames.  Wood.”

 

Spike sighed.  “Git.”

 

Angel quickly realized that his best way out of this was to distract Spike.   Fortunately for him, Spike was easily distracted.  A quick snap and quicker zip and Angel had his hand down Spike’s pants.  See there?  Spike was distracted.  Easy.

 

Then he leaned forward and nuzzled Spike’s neck.  Lick.  Suck.  Nibble.  And groan.  The last part wasn’t from him.  Operation distraction was a success.  Angel mentally cheered himself.

 

Now, one hand continues the down the pants distraction, which was working exceedingly well from the size of things, mouth continues its lick, suck, nibble and repeat duty, and then for the final phase:  other hand creeps around and slips down the back of the pants. 

 

Score!  Another groan.  He’d forgotten how good at this he was.  And now that he thought about it, he’d forgotten how good this felt.  Spike fit against him just so.  Well, maybe that had a little to do with the fact that they were lodged in the trunk, but still, they fit together. 

 

Angel felt Spike fumbling in his pocket and a tube of lube was slapped into Angel’s hand.  Then Spike’s hands were at his pants, freeing his cock and jacking it in time with Angel’s own motions. 

 

Damn, that felt good.  Angel groaned into Spike’s neck and bit down causing Spike to arch against him.  He fisted his hand around both of their cocks until Spike pushed him away and rolled over onto his other side. 

 

Angel put the tube to good use, slicking himself and Spike quickly before he pushed forward and embedded himself in Spike’s body.  It was fast and furious, limited by the tight confines of the trunk, but intensified for that very same reason. 

 

Spike reached back and pulled Angel’s head back into his neck and Angel slipped into his true face, sinking his fangs deep into Spike’s neck.  They both arched and came, Spike spurting over Angel’s still pumping hand, and Angel shooting deep into Spike’s ass.

 

They separated a moment later and Spike rolled back over to face Angel.  “If you wanted a piece of my ass, you didn’t have to lock us in the boot, you know.”

 

Angel’s brains had just left via his cock and he couldn’t think to form a response.  “…”

 

“Yeah, you saw the bleach demons, didn’t you?  You’re such a poof.”

 

“…”

 

“You gonna get us out of here now.”

 

“…”

 

“Bloody hell.  I have to do everything myself.”  

 

Spike pulled the emergency latch and the trunk flew open.  Angel’s brain started functioning again.  “Hey!  How did you know that was there?”

 

“Heh.  You don’t think this is my first time locked in a trunk do you?  Live a little, Angel.”

 

Spike hopped out of the trunk and straightened his clothes.

 

“Now, I’ve got to go meet with the bleached ones.  We’re starting a new line of hair care products.  Hopefully you didn’t scare them off.”

 

Angel stared at Spike’s retreating form.  He could only think of one thing to say.  “Hair care products?”

 

From: [identity profile] dischargie.livejournal.com


*giggle* OMG!! This was so funny and hot and funny. Angel ran away of bleach demons *giggle again* And than his way to distract Spike...hot *eating some cooling ice* And the end was just as funny as the beginning *ggg*

This is such a great story as always from your side. Thanks for sharing naughty harlot.

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Thanks sweetie! *squish* Glad you laughed as much as I did. :D

From: [identity profile] kindredspirit75.livejournal.com


Oh honey, what a wonderful start to my day, reading this first off. Gave me the biggest smile.

Fortunately for him, Spike was easily distracted.

Priceless!

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Thanks sweetie! I've been in a writing humor mood, making myself giggle like crazy. Glad you liked it...and yes, poor, poor, Spike. So easily distracted. Heh.

From: [identity profile] bmblbee.livejournal.com


Hair care products? Great!
Not the first time he has been locked in a car trunk? That sounded soooo
Spike.

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


LOL. I know. I think there's going to be a whole line of products. More on that soon. :D

And you know someone has locked Spike in a trunk at some point...it just had to happen. probably was Xander. *g*

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/


I suspect Spike planned this all along, so crafty. Good plan Spike.

Angel being so protective of his hair, that was just so like him. Then don't really think the bleached look would be good for him. So couldn't carry it off Hee Hee!

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


No, bleached Angel would be SCA-RY. Hee! You never know with Spike. He is very crafty. ;D

From: [identity profile] brunettepet.livejournal.com


This was fun, and this in voice line made me laugh out loud: “Heh. You don’t think this is my first time locked in a trunk do you? Live a little, Angel.” Of course Spike's been in a trunk or two! Nice dig at Angel, too.

I could just see the little frown on Angel's face during his last line. Thanks for sharing this funny piece.

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


I'm glad you liked it! Everyone has picked up on that first time in the trunk line. LOL. I just could imagine that at some point in his past...Spike had been tossed in a trunk! It had to have happened, I just know it!

Thanks for reading.

From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com


LOL!

This was awesome, hunny!

You've got a knack for humor and crack!fic :)

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Awww! Thanks babe! I've missed you lately! *squish* And I haven't forgotten your Oz/Lindsey. It's still in the works. Just had to do my bunnies for soa first. Oh, and funnily enough, I just realized that the last bunny I'm working on is yours! *doh*

So, you'll have 2 from me soon!!

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From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-05-28 05:20 pm (UTC) - Expand

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Thanks honey! I crack myself up sometimes!! Hee!

*hugs*

P.S. I had a really bad dream about you the other night. You were mad at me. I was all heart broken. I have the strangest dreams.

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From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-05-28 03:44 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-05-28 03:46 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-05-28 03:49 pm (UTC) - Expand

From: [identity profile] caelieth.livejournal.com


Brilliant and incredibly hot.

I love reading the funny side of the Angel-world X)

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Thank you! I think the funny side of them is needed after all the drama we put them in. :D


From: [identity profile] ash-carpenter.livejournal.com


*claps* Yay! You sure did find your funny my darling! Heeeeee!!!

Aw, they're so cute. Angel and his distractions! *G*

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Well, I tried! Couldn't have done it without you! I know I sure wouldn't mind being distracted by Angel. *eg*

From: [identity profile] adso-von-melk.livejournal.com


lmao! so funny! Spike is just hillarious! :D It was vry hot too! ;) *winks*

From: [identity profile] davinci-1985.livejournal.com


That was so cute and funny!!

Hair care products!!


Thank you for sharing!!

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


You're welcome! You just know Angel would be all about the hair care products! *hugs*

From: [identity profile] of-too-minds.livejournal.com


OMG that was so funny! That last line killed me. Now he's interested!

Excellent spangel ficlet, hon.

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Thank you! I love those two in funny fics. They can be hysterical. *g*


From: [identity profile] darkspace99.livejournal.com


LOL! Oh dear, my abs hurt kinda badly now.

So Angel did what any hair respecting vampire would do.

Didn’t anyone have a sense of hair urgency?

Angel is a tad bit too invested in his hair, isn't he? *grins*

Love, love the "distraction."


From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Awww! Didn't mean to hurt you. :D

I'm thinking Angel may be hair obsessed. Just a smidge. And Spike is just the vamp to provide a distraction. LOL

From: [identity profile] lil-coyote.livejournal.com


Had to come back and read this after reading Branding. *giggles* Is there no place Spike can't have a good time?

From: [identity profile] hello-spikey.livejournal.com


aaaaw. tee hee hee. Angel is so adorkable in this!!

And of course Spike knew where the emergency release was. Evol Spike. :)
jillyjames: (Default)

From: [personal profile] jillyjames


I just discovered your fic and am excited to begin crawling through them. I'm not sure why I started here, but this was a great start. It was funny as hell and had some delightful hotness. I may never forget the idea of Angel running from bleach demons!

Thanks!

From: [identity profile] jasonsnene.livejournal.com


Yay! Welcome to Nene land! You did pick a strange place to start, but alas, this series is one of my favorites as well. Might I point you towards my Master fic list? You can find it at the top of my tags section and you might find it useful. :D
.

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