Haunted part 2

[jasonsnene]

 

Title:  Haunted (2/?)
Author:  jasonsnene
Pairing:  Angel/Xander
Rating:  NC17
Warnings:  M/M, angst
Beta:  

carinas_carinae

 

 Summary:  Angel and Xander’s developing relationship is threatened.  Will they be haunted by the outcome?

 Previous Part

A/N:  Here we go with the next part.  I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this. 

Part 2:

 

Two weeks later.

 

Angel sat on the plane and stared out across the vast emptiness of the sky.  It was exactly the way he felt.  Empty.  He hadn’t been able to stay in L.A.  Every time he thought about what had happened, he wanted to go to the hospital and rip it to shreds.  Xander wouldn’t have wanted that and Angel knew it, but it didn’t lessen the urge at all. 

 

So he’d arranged Xander’s memorial and contacted Giles.  The past two weeks were a blur.  He remembered Buffy, Willow and Giles being there, grieving alongside him.  He remembered Spike being quietly supportive and being his punching bag when the rage built up so much that he had to let it out.

 

It hurt that he hadn’t been able to say goodbye.  They wouldn’t let him see Xander.  Apparently Xander had signed some paper before he went in that said he didn’t want his friends to see his body.  It infuriated Angel and he’d tried to break into the morgue, just to have a glimpse and prove to himself that it was real. 

 

They’d done an autopsy.  The results came back that it was his heart, something about having a bad reaction to the anesthetic.  Angel thought it was horribly ironic.  Xander had the best heart of anyone he knew.  It was unbelievable that it had been his heart that had failed. 

 

Angel’s hand moved to his pocket and he rubbed the fabric of the patch that Xander had given him.  It was never far from his reach and usually brought him some measure of comfort.  It was all he had left besides too few memories.

 

Angel slid the patch from Xander’s eye and frowned when Xander instinctively looked away.  “No, Xander, never turn away from me.”

 

Xander glanced back at him, then looked everywhere but Angel’s face.  “Sorry, just habit, I guess.”

 

Angel’s hands crept up to Xander’s face and he cupped his jaw tenderly in his hands.  “Well, let’s break that habit.  Look at me, Xander.  See me.”

 

Xander stared at him, taking in the subtle lines on Angel’s face, wondered if they were laugh lines, or frown lines, or brooding lines.  It didn’t really matter.  They were part of Angel, part of his mystery and Xander found himself wanting to know Angel’s secrets, to be a Scooby and solve the mystery and be one of those ‘meddling kids’. 

 

Just being with Angel made him realize just how much of a kid he wasn’t.  Suddenly, he felt like a grown up, like a man.  It was strange, awkward.  But he wasn’t supposed to be seeing himself, he was supposed to be seeing Angel.

 

Xander’s hand crept up and slipped into Angel’s hair.  “It’s soft”, he whispered, “so soft.”  Then his hand moved lower, over the skin of Angel’s face and he paused there, just stroking it gently.  Then he grinned.  “Your skin is soft to, soft as a baby’s…”

 

Angel growled and leaned in and captured his grin in a kiss that made Xander’s knees tremble.  By the time he pulled away, Xander was breathless.  He sighed against Angel’s lips.  “Teach me to see again, Angel.  I want to see.”

 

The plane’s landing gear sounded and Angel realized he was almost at his destination.  He hadn’t really had enough time to teach Xander to see, but maybe he could open his own eyes.  After nearly 200 years, he was going home.  Back to Ireland and his roots.  It was the only thing he could think of to get away from anything and everything Xander.  He just needed to not see Xander in everything just for a while, and maybe see a little more of himself in the process.

 

According to the research department, Wolfram and Hart had purchased his ancestral home when they first began investigating his past.  Angel had laughed it off at the time, knowing that it wouldn’t be the same after two centuries but they’d given him the documents.  When he’d tried to think of a place to go to get away, his mind had drifted back to those papers and he’d started making arrangements.

 

The plane landed and Angel stepped out into the night and into the waiting car.  Fred and Wes had arranged everything.  He was grateful to them, as he hadn’t been able to arrange anything at the time but Angel knew he had transportation and plenty of blood and supplies waiting for him.  Angel just wanted to get there and sleep and try to forget.

 

By the time they arrived in Galway, Angel was travel weary and ready to collapse.  He barely acknowledged the exterior of the home when they arrived but did notice that it hadn’t changed as much as he’d thought.  There were more plants and everything looked more worn.  Other than that, it was the same stones he remembered from his youth.

 

His bags were unloaded quickly and quietly and then he was left alone.  Alone was apparently what he was destined to be and Angel repressed the urge to scream at fate for denying him the chance.  He went to his old suite of rooms and looked around at the modern amenities briefly before climbing into bed fully clothed.

 

He’d think about it more tomorrow.  For now, he needed sleep.

 

As always, his dreams were littered with memories of Xander.  Xander glaring at him, daring him.  Xander fighting him.  Xander curled up next to him.  Xander’s face when Angel came inside him.  They were all jumbled together and it was no surprise when he heard Xander’s voice calling his name.

 

“Angel.”  Angel tried to ignore the fear and hesitation he heard in Xander’s voice.  He wanted to remember the good times, the way Xander screamed his name in passion, not this.

 

“Angel.”  He sounded so scared, so hesitant.  Not like the brave and noble Xander he knew.

 

“Angel, please, wake up.”

 

Angel’s eyes flew open and darted around the room.  “Angel, please.”

 

“Xander?”

 

“Angel?  Can you hear me?”

 

“Xander, where are you?”

 

And then a shimmer and he could barely make out Xander standing beside him.  He looked so scared and Angel wondered if this was just a dream.  It must be.  This Xander had both his eyes and they were both staring at him like Angel was their savior.

 

“God, Angel, I’ve been so scared.  I couldn’t find you.  I…I don’t know what’s happening.”

 

“Xander.”

 

“Where are we, Angel?  How did I get here?”

 

“Xander, you aren’t here.”  Angel tried to hold back his sob but it escaped and Xander stepped closer to him, reaching out his arms that passed right through Angel’s body. 

 

“Oh no.  No. No. No.  Angel, please tell me what’s going on.  Please tell me I’m not…”

 

“I’m sorry, Xander.  You didn’t make it through the surgery.”

 

Xander’s form fluttered and nearly faded before it came back and Angel longed to reach out and hold Xander to him, just to hold him one more time. 

 

“So, I’m a ghost?  I don’t understand.  Why am I still here?”

 

Angel shook his head.  He didn’t have a clue but he was so relieved to see Xander again, just to hear his voice even.  The smallest thing.

 

“I miss you.  I miss you so much.  It wasn’t enough, Xander.  It wasn’t enough time.”

 

Xander moved closer and reached out his hand to Angel’s face.  “I never would have left you.  I’m so sorry.”

 

“Don’t, Xander.  I know you cared about me.  I just wanted more, so much more.”

 

“Me, too.  I can’t believe this.  Angel, I think I have to go.  I feel like I’m being pulled back.  I’ll come back if I can.  I…”

 

The image shimmered and faded and Angel collapsed back onto the pillows and wept.